I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for. Jasper Carrott absoluteamazebegin Change image and share on social
The whole debate on what food is best for us is complex, ongoing and often controlled by vested interests. Jasper Carrott complexcontroldebate Change image and share on social
There's a rumour going 'round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your driving licence, the authorities will make you take your test again! Now, if ever there was an incentive to drive carefully, they could not have threatened a more terrifying ordeal. Jasper Carrott amassauthoritycarefully share on social
I should be more vocal about the things I believe are doing us harm, but many years ago in my early twenties, I learned a bit of a lesson. I started to realise at that time the benefits of eating healthy food and drink. Jasper Carrott agobenefitbite share on social
There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chase with Pamela Anderson. Jasper Carrott andersonchasecontemplate Change image and share on social
I've played with some very famous bandits in my time on the celebrity golf circuit. Jasper Carrott banditcelebritycircuit Change image and share on social
Having signed a few autographs in my time, I always wonder what the heck people do with them. Jasper Carrott autographheckpeople Change image and share on social
I used to be a columnist for 'Golf Monthly' and have contributed articles for national newspapers based on the humour that is in abundance in the game, which is more than can be said of tennis. Jasper Carrott abundancearticlebase Change image and share on social
I have that working class fear of having nothing. I've always got one eye on what's in the bank. Jasper Carrott bankclasseye Change image and share on social
Happiness to me is simply not being unhappy. Jasper Carrott happinesssimplyunhappy Change image and share on social